Gift of Love in All Relationships

My Sister Allison & I

Today would be my sixth wedding anniversary.  Not being good with remembering this date, I forgot all about it until a colleague brought up the Renaissance Festival.  Ah yes... an anniversary celebration included a trip to the festival.  Since Monday, I've been plagued with the approaching "holiday".

Throughout the entire week I struggled with anxious feelings.  Not knowing why... perhaps not stopping long enough to recognize what it was... I did my stress relieving things.  Salt baths, yoga, meditation, hikes and cooking helped me feel good but didn't relieve the underlying anxiety.  It was in conversation with friends I began to notice a pattern.  When I admitted the day was approaching and came clean with my feelings of anger, the anxiety lifted.

My Father & I

My divorce was two years in the making.  The first a year of non-traditional marriage and although the divorce was amicable, the second year included resolution of other legal obligations.  In the dissolution of my marriage, I single-handedly bared the weight of five years worth of legal and financial troubles.  My anger had been building.  In the end over $7000 spent with 2 lawyers and banker telling me they hadn't seen a case like mine before.  The day, once a celebration of two friends joining in marriage, has become a reminder of the anger I have for the lack of respect from my once best friend.

So this day has arrived.  I laid in bed reflecting... meditating.  I had been challenged to find a way to acknowledge this day.  The choice is mine.  Not only did Ron and I join in marriage but my friends and family gathered to celebrate love.  That beautiful undying and mysterious feeling does not haunt this day but blesses it.  My morning intention becomes obvious... My anger dissolves and I bathe in Loving Kindness.

My Cousin & I

The best parts of my wedding day were the kisses and hugs from all who gathered.  Today, I celebrate the gift of love in all relationships.  I honor the friends and family that have wiped my tears, embraced me in their arms and supported my growth.  Each has given me smiles and reminded me of my light.  This day I see the love in all of my relationships and I give thanks.

Perhaps you are wondering... How can I share gratitude with those I love?  How can I honor my relationships?  Let's all try.  Please join me today in celebrating the Gift of Love in All Relationships.

Are You Hearing or Listening?

Are you tuned out or busy thinking about what you're going to say next?  Are you asking for clarification on what is being shared?  When we are completely present with the people we're communicating with, the engagement can be a meditative practice.

We bring an openhearted presence to our thoughts and feelings rather than reacting out of fear or hurt when we approach our conversations as we do meditation.  Being in meditation is being in a place of patience, observation and objectivity of the moment.  A good listener has those skills and is often a widely-valued friend, employee and family member.

Most of these tips I learned when working with teenagers; from suicide to break ups and sex to God, we talked about it all.  I cannot imagine a tougher group to communicate with.  I find the following tips help me to be a good listener to people of all ages.

Paraphrase what you hear... An active listener will listen to what you are saying and may often repeat the main points to establish an understanding.  This may be done by saying, “What I am hearing you say is…” finishing the sentence by paraphrasing the speaker's points.  This helps to avoid mis-communication and develops trust with the person talking. 

Ask about their experience or feelings... With this tip, you will be avoiding the pitfalls of unintentionally assuming, judging or labeling the other person’s experiences.  Ask, “How does that make you feel?”  This question opens the door for your friend to share about their experience.  For those individuals that are shy or the topic is sensitive they may use the “I don’t know” excuse.  You can easily turn it around by saying, “If you did know…?”  That usually elicits a response and keeps the conversation flowing.  The response may not be the answer you are looking for but it will keep the person from closing conversation's door.

Stay grounded... Remember you always have your breath.  Just as your breath grounds you on the mat, it will ground you in a conversation allowing you to ride the wave of emotion rather than be swept away with it.  

Let’s bring our meditation practice to our relationships and listen.

Shine Through

The light in your heart is ever burning.  Nothing can snuff it out.

You may be disappointed by people's actions.
You are loved.  Shine Through.

Relationships change; they may even end.
Your heart is whole.  Shine Through.

It may feel like you're climbing uphill and the top is nowhere in sight.
You're moving towards your goal.  Shine Through.

Your commitments may make you feel overextended.
You have choice.  Shine Through.

The bills may mount and expenses unending.
You are safe & secure.  Shine Through.

Your body may hurt and the pain unceasing.
You are healing.  Shine Through.

The thoughts of your mind may bring you down.
You can change them.  Shine Through.

The challenges you face may feel like unmovable walls.
You can climb over.  Shine Through.

Shine through my dear friend.
Shine Through.

You Can... Should You?

It’s a regular phrase of mine during class.  The words so easily roll off the tongue.  Yet here I am faced with the depth of that simple sentence.  Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. 

Yep, that’s it.  Seems easy and applicable to the yoga practice.  For example, if you’re physically under the weather you could do a strong yoga practice; however, it may be best to dial it back and explore the softer edge.  Taking it a little bit farther, you could touch your toes in a forward bend but in some cases you shouldn't in order to maintain the length & space in the spine.  Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. 

So when faced with the challenges my right hand presented as it healed from my cyst removal and second coming.  (I named them Billy & Bobby.)  I have explored that phrase in my own yoga practice on the mat and even more off.  Billy’s departure leaving me in a cast for a week and a very bruised hand for a month.  I could have taught all of my classes, cooked dinner every night, or responded to every email but I didn't… I shouldn’t.  I needed to rest.

When Bobby popped up, my nervous system remained in a highly active state resulting in more pain.  In an effort to work with my body, I removed all Downward Facing Dog and Plank poses.  I cried at the decision.  I most certainly could do the poses; however, I shouldn’t.  So I didn’t.  In addition to meditation, acupuncture, massage therapy, reduction in time commitments and other stress relieving activities, I was able to bring my pain level down and increase my quality of life.  Time commitments… that was tough.  Just because I could go here or do this didn’t mean I should.  With support, I didn’t.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.  Eight words that have given me pause for the last year.  I’m not perfect and I did not do it every time.  I make mistakes and keep trying.  That’s why it’s a practice.  What are you facing in your life that even though you can, you shouldn’t?  What support can you enlist to put this phrase into practice?

Pathways to Prayer

As a holistic yogi, I believe in the balance of mind, body and spirit. With my glowing rock (Himalayan salt   rock lamp), stain glass angel ornament, various stones and angel figurine on my desk at work, I do not shy from sharing my spirituality in the Type A male dominated industry my day job resides.

My spirituality far surpasses the symbols and is a part of my daily life.  I embrace the spiritual practices of many disciplines from meditation to sweat lodges and smudging to laying on of hands.  I believe God is too big to be defined or explained by any one discipline or dogma.  I pray with my voice, my body and my actions.  I pray... meaning I honor and connect with the Divine.

Perhaps the beauty in having many religions is that together they may begin to encompass the vastness of the Divine.  Having worked for a church for seven years and teaching spirituality my entire adult life, I am aware of the challenges others and I face in maintaining a regular spiritual practice.  So I am sharing my own pathways to prayer in hopes that it may inspire your spiritual path.  

• Song as Meditation - Sometimes my words aren’t there, so I employ those of another.  Choosing a song that resonates with my current experience listening to the lyrics and focusing on my heart or inner voice.  My current Prayer Playlist includes:
• Shelter Your Name by Danielle Rose
• Love You More by Matthew West
• Angel by Sarah McLachlan
• I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz (more in my blog)
• Beyond - Buddhist and Christian Prayers (the entire CD)
• My Daily Prayer - I have found the book Grace, Guidance, and Gifts Sacred Blessings to Light Your Way to be truly perfect for everyday use.  Each piece can be selected at random on any day and includes a Message from Spirit, Morning Prayer or Affirmation, Mantra and Personal Blessing.  With 5-10 minutes I am truly tapped into my higher self and that of the Divine with this beautiful book.
• Digital Inspiration - I created a Spirit Calendar that contains "events" with reminders to set my intention, pray or connect with my heart.  In the body of the event and email are the details so that I don't have to come up with it during my busy day.  I have most events set on a four day rotation so that I don't get bored.  The magic in the timing of appointments has everything to do with my personal schedule and energy levels during the day. If you have a Google calendar and would like to add this to yours and therefore copy events let me know.  I'd be happy to walk you through that... it's super easy.  

Let us find balance in mind, body and spirit.

Ketchup Monsters & the City

Ketchup Monsters & Me 

Imagine this… You’re downtown Des Moines sitting on a fifth story deck as cars hustle by in their morning commute. Every once in a while a screech of tires is heard and dogs bark as their owners quickly tend to their pets’ needs before work. Is this a good place for meditation?

For me… Yes. In meditation we seek to find peace and stillness amid the chaos. I find that we resist our meditation or yoga practice because we don’t have the perfect setting. When any place will truly do.

I mean really, when do you need to be able to tap into that peaceful breath most? It’s when I’m sensing a conflict, uncomfortable conversation or my emotions heat up. I need it when the kiddies are bouncing off the Jason’s Deli booth and ketchup is flying while my sister just laughs at me and my new Heinz stains.

Today my morning meditation was on that fifth story deck. Knowing that a majority of my day would be spent in front of two computer monitors, I took my practice outside to soak in the morning sun and fresh air. To my surprise, the distractions of the city inspired my practice. I found that deep state of peace despite the seemingly, unsettling atmosphere.

You’ve heard me say it… “You choose your focus.” I could have focused on the dogs or the cars and sirens therefore, giving them my peace. Instead, I focused on my breath. I turned my gaze inward allowing the “stuff” to fade. It was still there and I was aware of it but I didn’t lose myself to it. With this continued practice, I hope to keep my cool and not (over)react but choose my response the next time my feelings escalate or the ketchup flies.

May you be embraced by peace wherever you are.

Massage for Balance

A friend so kindly informed me that the foot massage at the beginning of class was lame.  Being strong in the purpose of what I do and why I do it, I was able to appreciate his honesty without giving his head a whack.  (Hmmm… missed opportunity?)  I understand where he and probably many others are coming from.  You step on the mat to move and maybe to sweat.  Others may step onto the mat for meditation.  So why are we massaging our feet?

Like yoga, massage relieves stress and brings balance.  I mean really… are you going to turn down a massage?  Probably not… it feels good.  We often experience our bodies as putty afterwards, because of how these areas correspond to the organs, skeleton and emotions.  Acupressure and Reflexology would say that you can access your entire body in your hands, feet and ears.

This foot reflexology chart shows correlation of the various areas of your foot to your organs.  We can take this a step further by connecting the organs to the bones in yourspine with this image.    By rubbing the ball of your left foot you increase circulation in your heart and lungs.  This is circulation of blood, energy and lymph.  Your thoracic spine also benefits since your heart directly corresponds to T2 and T3 to your lungs.  Many of us carry tension in this part of our upper back a massage to the foot will help to reduce that tension and increase the feeling of wellness and vitality. 

As if that wasn’t good enough, the emotions find balance with massage as well.  By stimulating energy to our lungs, we are able to reduce feelings of grief, sadness, anguish and cloudy thinking.  Energy to our hearts helps to resolve issues of love (self or others), excessive talking and security (financial, home, etc.).

You don’t need to have the charts and tables memorized to receive the many benefits of massage.  Simply share the love with your feet and hands.  Massage yourself or a friend.  You may apply pressure with your thumbs our self massage ball. 

My Holistic Approach to Yoga and Wellness encompasses balance - the balance of chemical, structure and emotions as well as mind, body, and spirit.  So yeah, I think a massage enhances our time together on the mat.  In fact,  your physical balance will be strengthened… give it a try.  Do Tree Pose observing the subtleties then massage your feet… a good deep massage.  Then do Tree Pose again.  Notice any differences?  Don’t stop with Tree Pose try another strong balance pose.

My suggestion to you... have a seat and rub your feet!

BTW--I have a hand and feet reflexology chart in my wallet for convenience.  I'm happy to chat more next time we meet.