One Breath at a Time: Anxiety at its Finest

Today I'm sharing a story from my past… going back a few years to the day before my birthday. Nothing noteworthy happened that week, but that day was about to change everything. After teaching yoga, I came home to a note from my husband. It wasn't an Apology note… wasn't an I Love You note… nope it was an I'm Gone and Not Sure If I'm Coming Back note.

The note was clear, "If you love me, you'll leave me alone." I was shocked and had no idea where this was coming from. On top of that, I wasn't to go looking for answers, which goes against every bone in my being. I'm a communicator and a solution finder. I go after what I want. I persevere. But that day I was to stop dead in my tracks.

Every plan and dream now in question. The what ifs exploding in my mind. My heart raced, yet I felt dead inside. For hours I curled into a ball not believing what I read. Alone… afraid… ashamed… terrified… exhausted… ALONE. It took hours for me to call someone. Hours for me to ask for help. Hours for me to understand I wasn't helpless.

I got a text from him on my birthday… 3 words… "Happy Birthday Lynn." That was it. A few days later, we met. He wanted to work on himself as he didn't feel mentally well. He thought staying with his parents was best. We decided to travel the unknown path ahead as a married couple who no longer lived together. Upholding our vows, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, is when I truly learned what meditation is and the depth of its benefits. [Tweet This]

During the day I had friends and family to lean on; however, the night… oh the night was much different. Quiet darkness invited my mind monsters to play. Even when I caught a few moments of sleep, I'd wake to reposition in bed and my mind would pick up within an instant. Before I knew it I was unable to breathe, the tears soaked my pillow, and my heart ached. He was the primary income provider and I was building my business. Let's just say financial uncertainty added to my insurmountable relationship stress.

The night was too long. The pain and fear were so strong I couldn't take one day at a time. One breath. One breath was all I could do. With all my might I focused on my breath… the one I was attempting to take and boy was it difficult. For days and weeks this was my way to get through the day and night before my mind attacked and my body tightened. One breath at a time. [Tweet This]

As a professional breather and meditation teacher (aka yoga teacher), I knew all sorts of breathing techniques. Yet my mind and body resisted, but I persisted. My intentions supported my breath to help focus my mind and change my negative thought patterns. It took time to believe the words I was telling myself. The path was rocky and I stumbled. Eventually I could take one minute at a time; which slowly (very slowly) turned into one day at a time.

I'm now long past that time in my life, but still find situations ask so much of me that I must take life one breath at a time. Focusing on my breath continues to help me let go of the past and tiring emotions while keeping me from getting lost in the what ifs. The always unknown future. My breath and intention meditation brings me to the present moment. The present is the only place to fully find freedom from emotional, mental and physical suffering. [Tweet This]

I am thankful to have learned how to comfort myself with meditation; however, it wasn't easy or instinctive for me. It took solid moment to moment effort. I know that my practice on the mat is what prepared me to endure and eventually thrive through this time of my life. Breath meditation and intentions are tools to free us from the shackles of suffering. [Tweet This] We have them available to us no matter when we need them or where we are. We practice so that we can more easily use these tools and live life skillfully in the face of challenge, fear, and hardship. We practice… one breath at a time.

May your breath anchor you to the present moment. May you be free from suffering.

Always a Yogi,
Lynn Marie

Addendum: After a year of separation, I filed for divorce. In going back in time to share this story, I thought you may find a few of my other thoughts through my divorce interesting:

• An Emotional Shield Softens
• Trusting to Bend Back
• Gift of Love in All Relationships
• My Divorce... Apologies Not Needed
• Give New Meaning

Practice to be Present

On my mat this morning, I caught myself shortening my breath so that I could move to the next position. My hurry caused me to miss the goodness of what my body was doing and antagonized my stress. In observing this, I shifted my approach to one of presence. I didn't necessarily slow my movement, but rather slowed my mind and breath to be present with my body.

By removing the on to the next attitude and focusing on the current moment, I found my mind calmed and my body opened more easily. On and off the mat, I've found anticipation removes my ability to fully enjoy the present. Go-go-go mode doesn't seem to get me to my final destination in a good state of mind or any quicker.

Yoga provides an opportunity to observe our behaviors and practice choosing what best serves us and our community. [Tweet This] I'm grateful that my practice continues to open my mind to better engaging my life and hope to share this gift and other holistic techniques with you soon.

Always a Yogi,

Lynn Marie

Rise Up

On my walk to yoga class, I saw a yellow flower reaching for the sky. There was a shift inside me as I thought about rising up. Rising up isn't about being above or being the best. It's about standing tall and being confident in who we are. Rising up is about being our best.

Forgiving ourselves for making mistakes and recognizing the lesson it shares. It's having faith in the goodness of ourselves and the goodness of others. Rising up is taking the time to see the beauty that is around us. Sometimes the goodness and beauty seems hidden, but it's there. With a friend, book or other inspiration, treasures may be discovered with a little attention, objectivity, and reflection… aka presence.

Rise up.
Rise up to eliminate negative self talk.
Rise up and get out of the gossip.
Rise up to see a different perspective.
Rise up to loosen the grip of the past.
Rise up to welcome sweet new beginnings.
Rise up to make choices that support.
Rise up to see the beauty of life in all its ups and downs.
Rise up to lift others.
Rise up.

Add "I" to the front of those statements and you've got an intention to support you in being your best today.

I rise up and hope you will join me.

Always a Yogi,

Lynn Marie

Relationships... A Practice in Presence

Madison, Jared & Mallory

I sent thank you cards to my nieces last week. My sister aimed to snap a picture of their excitement only to capture the moment after their brother swiped a card. Pure sibling fun that took Madison's happiness with her brother's sneaky move. I don't expect a 4-year-old to be unbothered by such an event; however, we can contrast it with this 2 minute funny video where at 47 seconds she makes the decision to keep her happiness despite her grumpy, unwilling-to-share sister.

Madison attached her joy to the card and when the card was gone so was her happiness. I'm sure you recognize the phrases, "I'll be happy when…" and "I was happy when…." Instead of attaching our happiness to an event, set of circumstances or outcome, we can recognize the elements of now and stay connected to the peace and contentment that lives within. Madison didn't need her older sister's block to be happy; she was content in her efforts to build a higher tower. It was her efforts in present time not the final goal that was fulfilling. She didn't go vent to her mom; she said "okaaaay" and moved on.

Imagine if Madison would have judged Mallory's cranky response as a personal attack. Madison could have perceived Mallory's "no" as an example that "no one wants to help me" or "no one cares about me." Her persistence and confidence gave no room for judgment to bring her down. Our adult world swirls with all types of communication that may lead to assumptions and perceptions which are forms of judgment. When fused with our emotions, judgments can lead us to an undesirable reaction rather than a thoughtful and perhaps more educated response. What if we held strong to the notion that "everyone is trying their best?"

Relationships create a perfect setting for us to explore yoga off the mat as the practice of non-attachment and non-judgment cultivate a more genuine opportunity for conversation and personal contentment. In class, I invite students to observe their experience without judgment or attachment hoping to welcome all to be fully present. This practice on the mat ultimately empowers us to take it off the mat into our interaction with the world.

So I ask... has someone stole your card? Are you expecting things to go a certain way or someone to respond just so? Or have you heard/read words that weren't actually said or written? If so, bring yourself back to present by deepening your breath and becoming aware of sensation in and on your body. "Step back" from the situation and observe the facts without judgement (perception, assumptions, etc.) and let go of any attachment and expectations of actions or to the outcome. With this unbiased awareness, how would you like to respond with external and internal action/inaction? Move forward anchored by your breath to the present moment and your internal peace. 

At the end of the day, what matters is how well we have participated in our lives. Conversation about life skills enrich our experience and creates a community of support. I'm super excited to be bringing together individuals living life authentically for a yoga and book discussion to explore what it means to live skillfully. I hope you'll join.

A couple more things to learn from my sweet little niece in this video:

• Sometimes it all falls down and we just need to "build it again."
• Caring for others has no age requirement. ("Scoot back, guys. I don't want you to get hit Bruce.")
• The power of a good glare. (See video at 1 min.)
• You can be independent and ask for help.

Always a Yogi,

Lynn Marie

Ho'oponopono: A Hawaiian Message for Us All

In January I walked down a lava rock path to join my best friend under a coconut tree. With waves crashing on the rocky bluff, we united in marriage. Our celebrant, a local Hawaiian minister, warmed our hearts by his presence and genuine happiness for being a part of this day. Ohana, Ho'oponopono and Aloha, were the three Hawaiian words he shared as treasures to bring into our relationship. Each rich with meaning, I am excited to share them all with you, but for today we'll uncover the beauty of Ho'oponopono.

Ultimately, ho'oponopono means to make right. Much more than a word, it is steeped in tradition within the Hawaiian culture. It encompasses a forgiveness ritual that welcomes a healing exchange to those who practice. Of course it's not limited to romantic relationships. Ho'oponopono offers an opportunity to express connection "I love you", repent "I'm sorry", request forgiveness "Please forgive me" and extend gratitude "Thank you" in any relationship including for one's self.

I have found the words behind Ho'oponopono to be healing when I've repeated them to myself and when I've extended them to another. Using it as a mantra, the repetition provides a focal point for me to begin to release attention from my anger and blame. It transforms the energy within me to be more compassionate for myself as well as others. It is from this place I am more present and able to respond rather than react out of fear, hurt, or shame.

I love you.
I'm sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.

Whether it's in a text or scribbled on a piece of paper, my husband and I know that ho'oponopono means we're human and trying our best. There's no blame in ho'oponopono, only acknowledgement of personal intention. It seems to soften the sting of words and actions ultimately bringing us to a place of kindness.

Our relationships and yoga mats serve as a place for us to practice compassion and ho'oponopono. May you find the strength to own your actions and forgive others.

Always a Yogi,
Lynn Marie

Slow Flow Gentle Yoga to Benefit Pinky Swear - August 5

With shared passions of providing opportunities to nurture others and ourselves, Amour and Illuminate Yoga + Natural Solutions welcome you to participate in a donation-based Karma Yoga class to support The Pinky Swear Foundation on Friday, August 5th. The Pinky Swear Foundation aims to ease the financial and emotional challenges experienced by children with cancer and their families by providing support during this challenging time.

5:30pm Browse, Shop & Chat
6:30pm Slow Flow Yoga

Amour, located in the beautiful East Village of downtown Des Moines, is a boutique of beautiful underpinnings and loungewear (and is owned by a yoga teacher). Come from 5:30- 6:30 PM for browsing, shopping and conversation. At 6:30 Amour will close the doors for our Karma Gentle Yoga Class to begin. Heather LaPorte, owner of Amour, and Lynn Marie Nelson, owner of Illuminate Yoga + Natural Solutions, will facilitate this slower-paced, relaxing yoga class and invite you to move with your breath honoring your body's unique needs.

This Karma Gentle Yoga Class will open your heart, calm your mind and support the well being of our community. All donations from this class will be presented to The Pinky Swear Foundation, and you will go home with a unique practice guide from the class, so you can take a little bit of good karma back into your every day life. (Click here to see Facebook event.)

Shade at Shattering Silence - July 29

View from the Illuminate Yoga Mat

Wahoooooo! The heat will lighten up by week's end. Let's celebrate Friday night with yoga. If you're game I'm happy to share a Gluten Free Ginger Brew from Firetrucker Brewery at Iowa Taproom with you after class.

Let's begin 5:30pm Friday, July 29 in the shade near the Shattering Silence Art Sculpture (pictured to the right). Yoga is great for relieving stress, anxiety & muscular tension. Enjoy these benefits and many more at this yoga class open to all but limited to 8 so that you get the attention you deserve. I'll invite you to move with your breath honoring your body's unique needs through our practice.

Details about this hour long Mixed Level Yoga class are below. In addition to public classes, I provide Private Yoga (for 1 or more), Corporate/Organization Yoga, Workshops, and Reiki. Let me know if I can be of service to you or our community. As always, I am happy to hear from you by email, call or text if you have any questions or need assistance.

• The Views:  Shattering Silence art sculpture, Japanese Bell of Peace and Friendship, the Capitol and the downtown skyline
• Benefits: In addition to your yoga practice benefits, you'll receive a unique to class home practice guide too. For every registration, Illuminate Gives Back $1 to Pinky Swear Foundation to help kids with cancer & their families. 
• Under Your Mat:  Cushion of grass (or pavement if grass is damp)
• Parking:  Free parking is available in the visitor lot of the Iowa Judicial Building (1111 East Court Avenue Des Moines 50319).  In this map, the parking lot is labeled number 26.  Once parked, you'll walk West past the Judicial building and the bell.
• Bring: Yoga mat, water and any props you prefer to use. I'll have extra too.
• Register & Pay: Register for class to claim your spot; you may also purchase 3 or 6 class package to receive class discount.
• In Case of Inclement Weather:  Lynn Marie will notify registered participants by email no later than 1 hour prior to class time of location change with directions to the nearby downtown indoor spot. 

Views from Our Shaded Mat